Oubliette

Child: Santa, where are you?
Santa: In the chimney.
Child: Why aren’t you down the chimney yet?
Santa: I’m busy.
Child: But I have cookies and milk down here?
Santa: So do I.
Child: What do you mean?
Santa: Well, son - the milk I’m having, you had earlier.
Child: Huh?
Santa: And the cookies… well, they’re mighty moist and delicious.
Child: I know! My Mommy made them!
Santa: Yes, son. Yes she did.
Child: How’d you know that, Santa?
Santa: I had a taste of both already.
Child: But you’re still in the chimney!
Santa: I know, son. And I’ll be here for awhile.
Child: Can I join?
Santa: I don’t think you want to do that, son.
Child: How come?
Santa: I think that’d be incestuous of you.
Child: Santa, you’re ruining my Christmas.
Santa: Son. It’s Christmas all over the world. Right now, I’m opening my presents.
Child: What presents are you opening?
Santa: Oh, my favorite!
Child: What’s your favorite, Santa?
Santa: Probably the same as your Father.
Child: Huh? What’s Daddy’s favorite?
Santa: Something I get to enjoy once a year.
Child: Christmas?
Santa: Yes, son. You could call it that.
Child: Aww! That’s my favorite too!
Santa: I don’t think you want to say that son.
Child: Why not! It is too!
Santa: I told you already.
Child: Huh?
Santa: Shut up, kid.
Child: Fuck you Santa!
Santa: No no son, I’m busy.
Child: With what! I’m coming up there!
Santa: Wait a second, kid. Wait a second.
Child: No!
Santa: Yes!
Child: No no no!
Santa: Wait, dammit!
Child: I want it now!
Santa: Wait!
Child: Now!!
Santa: One more second!
Child: Now!!!
Santa: Ah, there.
Child: I can come up?
Santa: No need to son, I’m all done here.
Child: But I didn’t get my present! And you didn’t try the cookies! And the milk!
Santa: I did, son, I did.
Child: ….
Santa: Just ask your Mommy for presents from now on.
Child: Uhh…
Santa: I think she’s full of Christmas spirit this year.